Have a voice
Try asking the person sitting next to you this question, 'what do you hope to achieve in your life?' The answer would either be to be rich, become somebody famous, do something that would change the world, or simply to be happy. Frankly speaking, all these responses are more or less the same, each one of them leads to the other. One cannot simply be rich without being famous, and vice-versa. Ultimately, we all aim to have a happy life ahead of us. It's our nature, we can't deny it. The only difference is by what means do we define each our happiness, since happiness itself is a highly subjective matter.
When we come into a junction in our lives where we should choose our options, we all made our decisions differently, without knowing what awaits us in the future. Everybody has their own way of doing things. We are unique in such a way that each of us has a different thumbprint.
So why should we try to deny the very nature of our creation by imitating others?
I am an emo guy, that I must admit. When I opened my mouth to ask a question a couple of weeks ago during the talk session in Malaysian Student Department, I actually wanted to test myself. It has indeed been a very long time since I last opened my mouth to speak something intellectual, so that night I wanted to see whether I have managed to change myself, to no longer sound emo when I talk. Unfortunate for me though, it seems that I still am emo.
To be honest with you, my dear readers. I am very disappointed with my own self. I have nothing special to offer to this world, though I am already 20 years of age. I had a voice, hence I joined debating, both Malay and English when I was in SAS, but that is not something I am EVER proud of. Yes, I am able to speak up and voice out my opinions. I have no problems in making fun of myself, because to me, that is the only thing I am able to do in this world. If no one else is willing to go up to that stage and talk rubbish, then let me do it on your behalf, better me than you, right?
As I got to know more people, people like Hakim from Warwick for example, he was a debater during his high school days, and look at him now. Just by talking to him, you'll immediately know he is a knowledgeable guy. Something that I must admit, I fail at. Most of the times I prefer to stay quiet. I'd rather keep my thoughts to my own self, thinking that my views are always so stupid compared to others'. Why must I always be emo everytime I speak or write? (Yes, I am aware that I'm doing it right now.) Why can't I at least for once, speak like a normal person, with a style which attracts attention rather than to annoy the audience? As I am reflecting myself with people like Hakim and Afiq Salleh, I realized where I stand. I am just a failed debater, that's who I am. Debating was supposed to develop one's skill in speeches, but in my case, it was more of a wake-up call to myself that this stuff is not meant for me.
I was watching The Rum Diary last night, it's about a journalist who came to Puerto Rico for a new job, in the end, he finally found his own voice which he brought back with him to New York, taking down corrupt, greedy people. As the movie finishes, I asked myself, why can't I have a voice of my own too?
Actually I did have a voice, until I took a vow of silence to not use my voice unless necessary. Trust me, after what happened to me in form 3, I am always so afraid to open my mouth to the world. Besides, along the way, I've met so many brilliant people of whom I respect so much. My fellow scholar mates, they are all very special, each of them. They really are worth every penny of their scholarship.
But not me. I am not like them. I consider myself more of an outcast. I can barely catch up with my studies, and if one were to ask me about my future plans, my resume is hardly ready. You all know how I can never compete in terms of resume, right? My CV is not interesting at all. Each time I apply for a position, I'd pray for a chance to be interviewed, because that is my only chance of ever proving myself. You can refuse to accept me on the basis that I am inadequate for the job, but at least give me a chance to speak up, so that you'll know the real me. I don't want you to know me just by looking at my personal descriptions on a piece of paper. Let me show you what I am first, then I'll be more than happy to walk out of your office knowing that I tried.
Ever watched the movie Pursuit of Happiness, the one which Will Smith was in it? This job interview scene was what gave me strength to get through the difficult time to get a scholarship, because I know all too well, my background and CV are never going to be enough to impress anyone.
A pretentious world, we're all living in. People like me, we don't have much of a fighting chance, we just wish to survive.
I leave the rest to you.......
When we come into a junction in our lives where we should choose our options, we all made our decisions differently, without knowing what awaits us in the future. Everybody has their own way of doing things. We are unique in such a way that each of us has a different thumbprint.
So why should we try to deny the very nature of our creation by imitating others?
I am an emo guy, that I must admit. When I opened my mouth to ask a question a couple of weeks ago during the talk session in Malaysian Student Department, I actually wanted to test myself. It has indeed been a very long time since I last opened my mouth to speak something intellectual, so that night I wanted to see whether I have managed to change myself, to no longer sound emo when I talk. Unfortunate for me though, it seems that I still am emo.
To be honest with you, my dear readers. I am very disappointed with my own self. I have nothing special to offer to this world, though I am already 20 years of age. I had a voice, hence I joined debating, both Malay and English when I was in SAS, but that is not something I am EVER proud of. Yes, I am able to speak up and voice out my opinions. I have no problems in making fun of myself, because to me, that is the only thing I am able to do in this world. If no one else is willing to go up to that stage and talk rubbish, then let me do it on your behalf, better me than you, right?
As I got to know more people, people like Hakim from Warwick for example, he was a debater during his high school days, and look at him now. Just by talking to him, you'll immediately know he is a knowledgeable guy. Something that I must admit, I fail at. Most of the times I prefer to stay quiet. I'd rather keep my thoughts to my own self, thinking that my views are always so stupid compared to others'. Why must I always be emo everytime I speak or write? (Yes, I am aware that I'm doing it right now.) Why can't I at least for once, speak like a normal person, with a style which attracts attention rather than to annoy the audience? As I am reflecting myself with people like Hakim and Afiq Salleh, I realized where I stand. I am just a failed debater, that's who I am. Debating was supposed to develop one's skill in speeches, but in my case, it was more of a wake-up call to myself that this stuff is not meant for me.
I was watching The Rum Diary last night, it's about a journalist who came to Puerto Rico for a new job, in the end, he finally found his own voice which he brought back with him to New York, taking down corrupt, greedy people. As the movie finishes, I asked myself, why can't I have a voice of my own too?
Actually I did have a voice, until I took a vow of silence to not use my voice unless necessary. Trust me, after what happened to me in form 3, I am always so afraid to open my mouth to the world. Besides, along the way, I've met so many brilliant people of whom I respect so much. My fellow scholar mates, they are all very special, each of them. They really are worth every penny of their scholarship.
But not me. I am not like them. I consider myself more of an outcast. I can barely catch up with my studies, and if one were to ask me about my future plans, my resume is hardly ready. You all know how I can never compete in terms of resume, right? My CV is not interesting at all. Each time I apply for a position, I'd pray for a chance to be interviewed, because that is my only chance of ever proving myself. You can refuse to accept me on the basis that I am inadequate for the job, but at least give me a chance to speak up, so that you'll know the real me. I don't want you to know me just by looking at my personal descriptions on a piece of paper. Let me show you what I am first, then I'll be more than happy to walk out of your office knowing that I tried.
Ever watched the movie Pursuit of Happiness, the one which Will Smith was in it? This job interview scene was what gave me strength to get through the difficult time to get a scholarship, because I know all too well, my background and CV are never going to be enough to impress anyone.
A pretentious world, we're all living in. People like me, we don't have much of a fighting chance, we just wish to survive.
I leave the rest to you.......
you don't have to know how to speak to be special. everyone was created in his own special way, with his own special role ;)
ReplyDeleteI thought that you will sound like 50 cents when you are talking, not an emo sound? :D
ReplyDeleteI am not going to console you. Haha, everyone will find a day where they feel they have to stand up and do something out of themselves. The reason?! The need to grow. A few years back it is unthinkable for me to go and approach someone for practice at da'wah, shouting at the top of my lungs to collect money for charity or even sit in a congregation full of Christians where I am the only Muslim (I know I am seeking trouble there). Now I strive on the offensive, to put my best in what I do, because I have failed myself so many times in the past just to get the formula right. Now learning Arabic in my own free time, no teachers (just videos) or anything. Just because of that one thing. I wanted to do something for the ummah and I can't do it while sitting in my room doing nothing. (Sorry for the language. Wanted to tone it down a bit.)
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