Exam nervous breakdown
So get this, last week, the night before my first paper, which was Management Principles, yes the one when I got the wrong hall the other day, I had quite a serious nervous breakdown. Frankly speaking, the vision was haunting me for days even before that, but that night it got worse.
I had a vision that I was at my exam venue, all ready to face my exam. Then all of a sudden, just before I set foot inside the hall, my phone buzzed, a terribly horrific from home, a terrible thing happened to my parents. Can you imagine it, when one receives news like this, surely the only right thing to do is to drop everything that you are doing that very second and rush back home as soon as you can. But I have my exams, so should I contain that nerving feeling in my heart that is telling every cell in my body that I should be home now and take the exam first, or is this the time when sacrifices should be made, for a greater cause?
I broke down the immediate moment that vision came to me. I was literally stunned, and without noticing it, tears began to run down my cheeks. The thought of something terrible happening to the two most important individuals in my life while I am thousands of miles away from them proves to be unbearable for me.
But fortunately that was all only in my head. But painful as it is, I cannot run away from the fact that such a thing is imminent. Death comes to anybody at anytime. I was reminded of how strong I needed myself to be the moment I signed the contract with BNM for this overseas scholarship, and this is one of the biggest curve balls the Almighty could throw at me. Why do you think I am being such a cheapskate, saving my money on small things, because I know if there is an emergency at home, I might need that money.
I sound ridiculous, I know. But eversince I had that nightmare in KTJ, the one where I saw myself returning home to KLIA after finishing my 3rd Year, but as I pushed my trolley out of the arrival hall, my elder brother was the only one who was there to pick me up, I swore to myself that like it or not, I need to be strong enough to face it if it ever does happen.
As I finish my revision and go to bed every night, I pray that God will protect my parents. They mean the world to me. I can still remember the morning of September 17th last year as I went down the escalators and through the immigration check-point, I silently prayed for Allah to protect these three people; my mom, my dad, and Sabrina.
Dear Allah, I leave them to You. The most capable hands, the rightful owner of this impermanent world. If You have so rightfully decided that it is their time, then I by all means accept it as it fated to be so. I pray that You will give me the strength if such is to take place, both physically and spiritually. Bless me with Your guidance, and lead me not astray. Bless their souls for they have been very good to me, fellow beings owned by You. Finally, may their ending be done in the goodness of ways. Amin
I leave the rest to you.......
I had a vision that I was at my exam venue, all ready to face my exam. Then all of a sudden, just before I set foot inside the hall, my phone buzzed, a terribly horrific from home, a terrible thing happened to my parents. Can you imagine it, when one receives news like this, surely the only right thing to do is to drop everything that you are doing that very second and rush back home as soon as you can. But I have my exams, so should I contain that nerving feeling in my heart that is telling every cell in my body that I should be home now and take the exam first, or is this the time when sacrifices should be made, for a greater cause?
I broke down the immediate moment that vision came to me. I was literally stunned, and without noticing it, tears began to run down my cheeks. The thought of something terrible happening to the two most important individuals in my life while I am thousands of miles away from them proves to be unbearable for me.
But fortunately that was all only in my head. But painful as it is, I cannot run away from the fact that such a thing is imminent. Death comes to anybody at anytime. I was reminded of how strong I needed myself to be the moment I signed the contract with BNM for this overseas scholarship, and this is one of the biggest curve balls the Almighty could throw at me. Why do you think I am being such a cheapskate, saving my money on small things, because I know if there is an emergency at home, I might need that money.
I sound ridiculous, I know. But eversince I had that nightmare in KTJ, the one where I saw myself returning home to KLIA after finishing my 3rd Year, but as I pushed my trolley out of the arrival hall, my elder brother was the only one who was there to pick me up, I swore to myself that like it or not, I need to be strong enough to face it if it ever does happen.
As I finish my revision and go to bed every night, I pray that God will protect my parents. They mean the world to me. I can still remember the morning of September 17th last year as I went down the escalators and through the immigration check-point, I silently prayed for Allah to protect these three people; my mom, my dad, and Sabrina.
Dear Allah, I leave them to You. The most capable hands, the rightful owner of this impermanent world. If You have so rightfully decided that it is their time, then I by all means accept it as it fated to be so. I pray that You will give me the strength if such is to take place, both physically and spiritually. Bless me with Your guidance, and lead me not astray. Bless their souls for they have been very good to me, fellow beings owned by You. Finally, may their ending be done in the goodness of ways. Amin
I leave the rest to you.......
Comments
Post a Comment