Debating and all the stupid things I did for a girl....


Today there is a debating competition taking place right here in UCL, unfortunately I am not taking part. Well, actually I was supposed to be in it, but something happened hence my team decided to pull out. I was not at all disappointed to be honest, because I am not that keen to joining it in the first place. Well firstly, I know I am going to lose anyway, so why bother competing. Secondly because debating only brings back bad memories for me.

Few of you know this, but the last time I joined a debating competition in 2008 during HKSBP, I did something so stupid, but never regretted until today. During that time I was so into this girl that whenever my team had no matches, I would go and look for her and watch her debate instead. I could still remember myself in a blazer borrowed from a friend of mine, rushing to find out where her school was having a match. Ah, the good times. I did debating though, the adrenaline rush whenever I am out there speaking, unfortunately the memory was too powerful for me to ignore, thus rendering me reluctant of ever coming back to debate. Debating was particularly interesting for me as I not only get to see an issue from various angles, but the fact that each speaker has their own style of presenting their ideas. Some prefer to deliver their ideas through a cool and sitback manner, while few opted to channel some emotions into it just to ensure that their pitching seems more passionately alive.

That was not the only time I'd ever gone too far just for sake of expressing how much I was into someone to a girl. There were few other times as well, but by far I did it most of the times when I was with Sabrina. 



Whenever I finally got to my senses, I can't help but wonder why the heck did I do all those things what more when the girl I was so intent on impressing did not even bother to look my way. Ridiculous isn't it? Not to mention a waste of time, you could even say. But I beg to disagree though. If you were to ask me do I ever regret doing all of those things at all, I would gladly say I don't. It was most of the times a bit over the top, crossing over the boundary of humiliation, but nevertheless, they were all worth it. Why? Well because each time I did it, it made me feel alive. 

My heart would beat faster than ever with adrenaline pumping into my veins. It makes me alive, knowing that I managed to at least attempt my best in letting the girl knows how I felt towards her. Foolish as it may seem in your eyes, but I believe in getting the message across by whatever means necessary, I wish not to end up on my deathbed regretting myself for not telling her how much I felt for her.

Having said all that though, I really must admit, I've never felt so strongly in love with someone the way I do with Sabrina. Yes, I used the word 'do' instead of 'did', meaning I am still as much in love with her no matter what happened. Deep in my heart, regardless of how much it hurts for me to admit, I still do care for her. I long for the moment she would e-mail or even FB message me for help or simply for a brief hello. It's not just a memory, it's a flame of which I wish to never die away. I love her, and will always be. May God keep her safe and happy always,or else...

I leave the rest to you.......

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