From Evernote:

I have no regrets, but do you?

Studying Economics is fun. It really is, no joke. Being stuck with the subject for what, almost four years so far, I never had any regrets. Back when I was in high school, the business and trade section which is usually found in the middle section of the papers never made much sense to me. Not that I never tried reading them, I did try, especially when I am doing research for a debate or something, sadly the news that were in there never seemed to be relevant to me at all. I used to think, so Malaysia signed an FTA with Australia, so what? Terms like bilateral agreements, tariffs and free flow of goods & services would usually entail such news article, but I did not paid much attention to them. To me, these were all the works of the government, nothing to be a cause of concern for a normal citizen such as myself, so why bother.

 

That was then. Today, the business section is a must read for me, together with the technology and entertainment section, of course. I mean, it is fun once you understand how everything ties up in the economy.

 

But there are times when I feel like that all of this do no really matter. All of the things that I read and know are meaningless most of the times, well at least that is how I feel. Being raised in a culture where people mostly look up to people who either makes a lot of money for a living or is practicing doctor, I cannot help to feel that I am actually nobody. Surely I don't stack up with those people since I am pretty sure that this field of mine does not come with fame nor fortune.

 

I wish people would understand, particularly my family.

 

I know that I may be a disappointment to my parents the moment I chose not to go down the Medicine path. They had high hopes for me in becoming a doctor because according to them, I am one of the 'patient' ones, though I never really understood what they meant by that unfortunately. That is not all to it to the story, then soon after that there were at times when they wished they had sent me off to be an ustaz, yes one of those religious men in jubah. 

 

So those were a couple of things they wanted me to be but I did not. In my defense, first of all, Medicine is a cool field to get into, I personally have no objection to the subject, except the fact that it would take too long for me to complete my study. It is not that I am looking forward to rush over my years of study so that I can get married or anything, that is way beyond what I had in mind. I just could not stand to face the fact that I have to sit down in a lecture hall for another 5,6 years going through books and notes reading on the biology of human body. In short, medicine is fun, but it does not have that twist which makes it exhilarating, just normal flames, not much fireworks. Whereas on being an ustaz, well I wished they would have exposed me to this a little bit earlier back then. Every time this topic is being brought up, I cannot help to be reminded of  Burtz (the hafazan guy in our batch, my imam coach) when he would say to me how he wished that we are in a different school, learning about different things, and how he wished that schools and offices are closed during Ramadan such as in Saudi Arabia. He used to make me feel like this whole ustaz thing is indeed something I can do, then again, I was proven wrong.

 

There are an awful times in my life when I feel that most of the times the things that I do enjoy doing would eventually be proven not to be the things I am actually good at. What is wrong with me?

 

I leave the rest to you.......